With the rise of gaslighting and coercive control discussions being seen in TV dramas, as well as major political rows, particularly in the USA, it is no wonder the terms can become confused for abuse victims.
In 2015, the UK Government officially recognised coercive control, most often seen in relationships, as a form of domestic abuse. It is now enshrined within the law, becoming a criminal offence under Section 76 of the Serious Crime Act. It can be punishable by up to five years in prison. With regards to gaslighting, it was acknowledged for the first time in the High Court at the beginning of 2022.
While it is positive that there is legal protection and that these kinds of conversations are happening more, there is often confusion about how to identify gaslighting and coercive control, who it affects and how to go about dealing with it.
What is the difference between gaslighting and coercive control?
We have probably all heard the term gaslighting, particularly over the past few years as it has become more prominent – with the Oxford Dictionary noting it as one of the most popular words of 2018, becoming increasingly searched on Google.
But experts have warned that, as the word is being used more frequently, there is an increase in the misuse of the phrase and that, therefore, it’s important to understand its true definition that’s been used in clinical and therapeutic settings for decades.
Gaslighting happens when a perpetrator tries to control a victim by twisting their sense of reality and convincing them that they are wrong about something. An example of gaslighting would be a partner doing something abusive and then denying that it happened. Gaslighters may also convince their victims that they are mentally unfit or too sensitive, even when they are not.
In comparison to coercive control, which is an act or a pattern of assaults, threats, humiliation, intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten the victim. This can include, but is not limited, to gaslighting.
What are the warning signs to look out for?
The charity, Women’s Aid, which aims to end domestic abuse, outlines ten common signs of coercive control:
- Isolating you from friends and family;
- Depriving you of basic needs, such as food;
- Monitoring your time;
- Monitoring you via online communication tools or spyware;
- Taking control over aspects of your everyday life, such as where you can go, who you can see, what you can wear and when you can sleep;
- Depriving you access to support services, such as medical services;
- Repeatedly putting you down, such as saying you’re worthless;
- Humiliating, degrading or dehumanising you;
- Controlling your finances; and,
- Making threats or intimidating you.
Whereas gaslighting can be detected through signs, such as the perpetrator:
- Using blatant lies;
- Denying things they have said or done, even if you have proof;
- Using what you love against you;
- Not matching their words with their actions;
- Using love and flattery;
- Projecting their behaviour onto you;
- Telling you or others that you are ‘crazy’; and,
- Stating that everyone else is a liar.
All of the above can lead to the victim losing their sense of self, feeling worn down or confused and, in extreme circumstances, questioning everything and their own sense of reality.
What can someone do if they, or a friend, are victims of gaslighting and coercive control?
For a victim, it is important to have a support system to be able to discuss worrying experiences. Isolation plays a large part in how perpetrators can continue their abuse of victims, therefore speaking to friends, family, and colleagues or reaching out to counsellors in person, online or over the phone is crucial. Once behaviour patterns have been identified, it’s easier to see that it is not a reflection on the victim and the process of recovery can start.
If someone believes that a friend or relative is a victim of these types of behaviour, then they can seek support from charities or indeed, the Police. However, if the victim is not ready to acknowledge or accept that they are a victim then, in reality, the person can only be there to support until the victim is ready.
However, in extreme circumstances where there’s a concern for the immediate welfare of a victim, 999 should be called.
What legal aid is available?
If someone is seeking an injunction and is a victim, then they are entitled to apply for legal aid. At Nelsons, if someone were to approach us with a coercive control claim, it would be treated as injunction advice, and we would look to the Family Law Act process and procedures. This would mean full instructions on the behaviours and concerns, followed by the issuing of a warning letter as an attempt to cease the behaviour.
However, the reality is that a Non-Molestation Order is likely to be needed to regulate a person’s behaviour. If an order is made, then a power of arrest is attached to the order and served to the Police, who then take action if the same is breached.
How can we help?
Melanie Bridgen is a Partner in our Family Law team, specialising in domestic and sexual abuse and children law matters.
If you need advice on any abuse-related matter or have any other family law-related queries, please contact us and we will be happy to discuss your circumstances in more detail and give you more information about the services that our family law solicitors can provide along with details of our hourly rates and fixed fee services.
Our team understands how distressing abuse is and handles all cases with sensitivity and professionalism. Please contact the team on 0800 024 1976 or contact us via our online form.
Contact us